


Tendency to Self-Sacrifice

by Kira_Gold



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Car Accidents, Coma, Crying, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, OOC for Vriska???, this was supposed to be angstier
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-15
Updated: 2016-05-15
Packaged: 2018-06-08 16:25:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,349
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6862954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kira_Gold/pseuds/Kira_Gold
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Pain, pain, pain, pain.</p><p>And screams, god, so much screams on the background.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tendency to Self-Sacrifice

**Author's Note:**

> Ok, I got this idea some time ago, so I thought, why not write it? And so here you are! Enjoy!

Pain, pain, _pain, **pain.**_

And screams, god, so much screams on the background. Tavros thought he heard Vriska shrieking and someone else (Gamzee?) yelling his name repeatedly and car tires squealing a few meters away, but it didn’t matter. 

_**Pain**_ did. 

_”Serket, was that you? WAS THAT MOTHERFUCKING **YOU**?”_  
_“No! I-I didn’t… NO, SHUT THE FUCK UP, MAKARA!”_  
_“Tavbro, Tavros, Tav, stay with me, Tavros!”_  
_“Hey, stop lying there, wake up, stand up, Nitram! You moron, you… Stand up! I command!”_  
_“Idiots, did anyone even call an ambulance?!!”_  
_“Wait a second, KK, I am, they’re not— Hello, is this hospital?”_  
_“Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God…”_  
_“Nepeta, get away from him, you’ll—“_  
_“Tavros!”_  
_“Nitram, I command you to—!”_  
_“Tavbro, don’t motherfucking die, we were going to—“_  
_“They said they’ll be here in—“_  
_“Oh my Go—“_

The screams were all a blur, an annoying mess of sounds which forced him to stay awake, stay awake and writhe with pain, and he just wished they all would **shut up**. He even tried to tell them, but he couldn’t speak, he couldn’t move, he couldn’t **breathe**.

_”We will do all we can, but—“_  
_“You better motherfucking do what you can!”_  
_“Gamzee, shut up! Yes, yes, we underst—“_  
_“Nitram, wake up, wake up! You idiot, why did you… Nitram!”_  
_“Kanaya, get Vriska away!”_  
_“Don’t touch me! Make him stand up! Kanaya, let go!”_  
_“Red, red, so much red…”_  
_“Terezi, at least **you** —“_  
_“Equius, what if he doesn’t—“_  
_“Please, don’t disrupt, we need to focus!”_  
_“LET ME GO, MARYAM!”_  
_“Karbro, let ME MOTHERFUCKING GO!”_  
_“Just allow the doctors do their fucking job!”_  
_“Oh my God, oh my Go—“_

And then. 

Finally. 

_Finally._

_**Finally.** _

Silence. 

— — — 

Vriska was shouting at Tavros, because, because, because, oh, did she even need a reason? She was yelling and he hid his eyes, begging her to forgive him, and she just kept screaming how worthless he is, how useless, how weak, how, how, how. Nitram didn’t make up excuses because he didn’t know what did he do wrong, and Serket just couldn’t stop. 

“No one needs you! No one will ever care! No one—“ 

And then there was a crossing and Tavros for some reason remembered a stupid joke about seeing a green light, but the light was slightly brighter and Terezi would probably love its smell, and there was a car, and Vriska was revelling in her yells and nobody cared to look around.  
One thing Tavros was good at is quick reaction time. He would always be the first one to see a flash of light and to turn his head in the direction of sudden noise and the first one to push his enemy (friend? He didn’t know) away from a bright blue sports car.  
But he wasn’t fast _enough_. He jostled Vriska away and she fell on the road few meters from the car and looked back, her face confused, or angry, or panicking, Tavros didn’t have time to access. He himself was about to jump away, but there was no more time. He heard Serket yell and someone else too and next moment the yells were overshadowed by _**pain**_ , and the whole world around him collapsed into _**chaos**_.

Pain, pain, _pain, **pain.**_

— — — 

Hospital lights were dim and the clock showed four hours thirteen minutes in the morning and the door of the operation room was still closed. Karkat went home, Kanaya went home, Gamzee fell asleep on the chairs in the waiting area, Vriska was pacing back and forth the corridor. When the doctor finally slipped out of the room, Serket just looked at him with fear frozen inside her eyes.

“Good morning,” the doctor said. Vriska nodded slowly.  
“Morning.”

There was silence for ten more seconds, and then the girl growled. 

“Just tell me. Just— tell me. He’s dead, isn’t he? Bastard was going to die sooner or later.”  
“No, no, he’s not.”

Relief, it turns out, can make eyes tear. 

“Yet.” 

The tears rolled down her cheeks. 

“Yet?”  
“Yet,” the doctor repeated. “You see, he’s in a coma, and he probably won’t be able to walk when he wakes up, and it is not really when. More like if.”  
“If?” Vriska echoed. Her own mind was too empty for creating a phrase which would make any sense at all.  
“If. The injuries were severe and his organism is rather weak, and— Miss? Miss, are you—? Well, shit. Olivia, come here, take care of the fainted lady.”

— — — 

No one would let Vriska in Nitram’s ward, not on the next day, not in a week. Gamzee sat there hours at a time, Nepeta kept popping up, reading something out loud, whispering, crying, Feferi came in once or twice, and Sekret was forced to sit, sleep, eat and _wait_ in the waiting area. It took exactly two hysterics, thirty one promise not to do anything bad, eleven requests to leave her “FUCKING ALONE, I TOLD YOU, GAMZEE, I’M NOT GOING TO KILL HIM, GODDAMMIT!” and one time bursting into tears. Only then Makara stood up and left the room, quietly closing the door behind him, leaving Vriska hide her face in stupid white duvet which smelled of medicine, _god_ , she hated the smell.

“Nitram, hey,” she whispered. “Can you hear me? I read that people in come can hear voices, so I fucking bet you do. Tavros, can you hear me?”

Silence. 

_Silence._

_**Silence.** _

“Well I am just gonna fucking assume, because nothing can prove me wrong. And if you hear me, Tavros, explain yourself. Fucking explain yourself. I _hate_ you. I did everything so you would hate me too. You know that time your cat was killed? That was me. You probably knew. Terezi knew, because that fucking justice-lover would do anything to find out who’s guilty. You did too, didn’t you? And you just fucking continued smiling, Nitram! You _always_ did, you—“

Vriska whispered and spoke and shrieked, and grasped the needles stuck in his skin, and was about to turn over the IV drip, and would throw a lamp into the wall if she could reach it, and shouted, and couldn’t stop crying, and in the end Gamzee had to drag her out. She scratched and bit his hand and licked the blood of her lips, and squealed, and if anyone was sleeping, they were probably woken up by her screams. Anyone. Anyone, but Tavros. Soft beeping of the cardiograph in his ward was heard even through Vriska’s screams, even when she covered her ears, and she honestly thought she was going mad. 

“TAVROS, WAKE UP!” she yelled on the top of her lungs as Gamzee was trying to cover her mouth, as Gamzee was trying not to shout with her, as Gamzee desperately tried to pretend he cannot hear the beeping. “NITRAM, WAKE THE FUCK UP! I— WE— I COMMAND, NITRAM! I COMMAND! I COMMA—“

Can people in coma hear voices? Vriska didn’t know. Vriska hoped. 

— — — 

_”Hey, Tavros, I’m here again! Bet you’re purr-etty tired of hearing mу, right? He-he-he, sorry. I was trying to bring Equius over, but he is fur to busy… But Terezi and Kanaya are here! Anyways, Tavros, wake up soon, ok? It’s your birthday in a month, I hope we could celebrate it all together, yeah?”_  
_“Tavros, hey, Tavros, you there? Please wake up, so I can tell you how stupid was an idea to save Vriska, ok? Also, kitty’s right, we want a party!”_  
_“Terezi, calm down. You shouldn’t shout. It would be easier for him to hear you if you talk calmer.”_  
_“Yeah, plus, if doctors hear any meow-re shouts from this ward they won’t let anyone in, ever…”_  
_“Well that wouldn’t be my fault, would it! Vriska is the one making all the noise. Makara, too, but no one should even let this guy come here anyways! He’s mad!”_  
_“Terezi!”_  
_“Yeah, yeah, ok. So, anyways, Tavros, just wake up. That’s… really all I can say. We all miss you.”_  
_“You are an essential part of our class and, furthermore, our friend, and we need you with us. We all do.”_  
_“Yeah! Listen to them, Tav! Even Eridan misses you, although he purr-tends he doesn’t care!”_  
_“Nepeta’s right, Tav—“_

_“Hey, fuckass. I’m here today instead of Gamzee because that moron got ill walking in the rain yesterday to the hospital and back. So he asked me to come here and to tell you that I miss you too, blah blah blah. Well, I do. We don’t talk that much, alright, but you don’t fucking talk much to anyone but him and Serket, I guess. Why would you even talk to that douchebag… Anyway, Tavros, we don’t talk a lot, but you are still my friend and all, and it is so fucking weird to not have you around, so I suppose it would be good if you could—“_

_“Happy Birthday, Tavros!”_  
_“When you wake up, we’re having a proper motherfucking party, but for now we have to celebrate here, bro!”_  
_“Such a paw-ful place, to say the truth…”_  
_“Well, we have the cake! And if you wake up now, Tav, you can have some, glub!”_  
_“I doubt sincerely the doctors would allow you to feed him cake the moment after he woke up from coma, Feferi.”_  
_“Aw-w… But we can ask them!”_  
_“Fef, did you really just cut the cake in tw-welve pieces?”_  
_“Yes, I did! Do you not think he will wake up?”_  
_“Sorry to disappoint you, but…”_  
_“Eridan, don’t be boring! He will!”_  
_“Would be really nice if he did, at least. Pretty romantic, waking up from coma on your own birthday, don’t you all think so?”_  
_“AA, didn’t know you’re a fan of romance!”_  
_“I’m not. But most books feature romance, even if they’re supposed to be mystery or drama, no matter how stupid that genre is.”_  
_“Hey, rom-coms are great!”_  
_“We’re discussing books not movies, KK.”_  
_“Oh who fucking cares! We aren’t even supposed to discuss dumb things in the first place!”_  
_“Vriska, do you wan’t some cake?”_  
_“I… Sure, thanks, Feferi.”_  
_“Woah, you’re acting polite for once!”_  
_“Shut the fuck up, Terezi.”_  
_“Oh, there is Vris whom we know and lo—“_

_“Why do they even close motherfucking windows in this place?! It makes climbing in impossible! Hey, Tavbro, sorry for intruding or whatever, but I just wanted to talk, I guess. I mean, would be so much motherfucking better if you could reply, but, uh, it is probably enough if you hear. So, I miss you, Tavbro, and we all do, and these four months have been bleak and boring and you’re my best motherfucking friend, so—“_

_“Nitram, I realised I never thanked you, and, realistically speaking, I never fucking will after you wake up, so, you know, thank you for saving my life and all that, because it was not at all fucking necessary and maybe if the car hit me, I wouldn’t fall into a coma for so long, since I am still stronger than you, even despite my lack of luck, and, a-and, you know what, Tavros, fuck you! So, thanks and all tha—“_

Can people in coma hear voices? Tavros didn’t know about everyone, but he certainly could.”

— — — 

When Tavros woke up he couldn’t feel his legs and his throat was too dry to scream and he stared at the door of the ward for around three minutes, trying to remember what happened. There was a car, and Vriska, and _pain_ , and voices, and light, and, and, and. Right now there was a button on the wall near his bed, and Tavros slammed it with his hand. He can move his hand and his head, why can’t he move his legs? Why can’t he—  
His scream is hoarse and almost inaudible and speaking hurts, so when a doctor finally came in, he rushed to the bed, making Nitram stop screaming.

“My legs…” Tavros whispered, trying to make up a question, and took a glass of water from doctor’s hands. His arms shook and he drank it too quickly and choked on water, and it tasted rather weird, and next moment the face of the doctor faded in front of him. 

This time he sleeps without hearing voices and wakes up much sooner. 

— — — 

Next time he is awake Tavros can finally comprehend what happened. It is dark outside and he insists that the doctor doesn’t disturb his friends, because they’re probably asleep, and “You said it has been four months, why would they even care about me anymore, hehe…”, but the medic hands him the phone which dials a familiar number anyways. 

“It’s three motherfucking a.m,” tired voice yawns. “Twenty two past three in the morning. What do you want?”  
“Oh, uh, hey, Gamzee. I’m sorry, I told the doctor we probably shouldn’t wake you up, but he insisted, and—”  
“ _ **Tavbro?!**_ ”  
“Uh, yeah! Hi! Again, sorry if we woke you up, bu—“  
“I will be over in five minutes.” 

It takes thirty minutes to get from Makara’s home to the hospital in a car, so there is no way he could be here so soon, Tavros thinks. Why would he even want to come so far because of me anyways, Tavros thinks. I cannot even stand up to greet him, Tavros thinks, and in five minutes precisely the door is slammed into the opposite wall. A small typhoon of black hair, purple pyjamas and ridiculously-stupid bunny slippers storms up to the bed, clutching Tavros in his hands. Gamzee whispered something about missing him, and his birthday, and “motherfucking miracles, bro”, and “they told us you won’t even wake up”, and “we all missed you so much”, and Tavros can’t help but cry. 

They talk for three hours, and the doctor asks at first to leave the patient alone sooner so he could get some sleep, but Tavros and Gamzee almost simultaneously reply something along the lines of “Don’t you think four months of sleep was quite enough?” and they’re finally left alone after that. Gamzee fantasises about buying the coolest wheelchair ever so Tavros could still play catch with him, and Nitram cries and cries and cries. He is happy, sad, relieved and so on and for. When they stop sharing news, talking, laughing, when they stop, Tavros finally asks:

“Can, uh, can you call Vriska?”

Gamzee frowns at first, then smirks, shows a heart sign with his palms, making Nitram blush brightly, and calls Serket, putting the phone on speaker. 

“Makara, is is seven in the morning on Sunday!” she shouts sleepily after four minutes of dialling. “What the fuck do you need?”  
“Believe me, I don’t really need anything from you, sis,” Gamzee laughs. “Well, go on, you were the one to ask me to call her, so speak!”  
“Huh?”  
“Oh! Um-m, hey, Vriska. Good morning. Sorry we woke you up, but I…”

Dial tones. 

“Well, there you motherfucking go,” Gamzee giggles. Tavros stares at the phone with confusion and sadness. 

In eight minutes the poor door is again slammed into the wall. Hurricane-Vriska is much neater, her hair is less messy and she is wearing some decent clothes, but her face is red — has she been running, Tavros thinks? Serket marches up to his bed and drags Gamzee’s sleeve, making the clown stand up. 

“Makara. Out,” she commands in a cold voice. Gamzee rises his eyebrows.  
“Woah, sis. Wait just a motherfucking second! I—“  
“Makara, _out_.” Vriska repeats, her voice shaking, her voice a pitch higher then usual, her voice too loud for Tavros. However, Nitram looks pleadingly at his friend.  
“Gamzee, please.”  
“Well, if you ask politely,” clown winks and leaves the room, smile almost glued to his face. He closes the door behind him, leaving two in an uncomfortable silence. 

Vriska _hates_ silence. Vriska hates it anywhere, she always needs to have loud music, loud conversation, loud yells, but most of all Vriska hates silence in this small ward. The cardiograph is no longer connected to Tavros, so even its beeps aren’t there to make some noise. But now she doesn’t do anything to break it, just stares forward, her eyes wide. She seems afraid to look away, she seems afraid of looking straight at Nitram, so she just fixes her gaze at a wall a bit above him. 

“Uh, hi?”

Tavros also hates silence, but mostly because he isn’t used to it. He heard voices for the past four month, someone has constantly been speaking, crying, laughing, shouting, and now he is just too nervous and only manages to whisper a greeting. 

“Yeah. Hi.”

They don’t speak for five more minutes. Vriska does’t move an inch, standing around a meter away from the bed, and Tavros really would like to hug her or at least approach her or something, but he can’t. He can’t walk, he can’t stand up, he can’t do _anything_. So instead he smiles. The smile is weak and rather pathetic, but it is sincere, and Vriska is good at understanding other people’s emotions. 

And so she cries. 

She collapses on her knees and cries and sobs and whispers something inaudible and Tavros stares at her, confused, worried, scared. He tries to sit up (his legs, oh _god_ , his legs, he cannot feel them, and it feels _wrong_ ), but ends up just rolling off his bed, falling on the floor near Serket. She grips his hand too tight, to the point where it hurts, and refuses to let go. Vriska doesn’t like hugging, she just holds him and keeps crying, and starts saying something, but breaks into mess of sobs every time she opens her mouth. 

“Hey, Vris, it’s okay!” Tavros whispers. “It’s— You are— I’m—“  
“You’re what?” she hisses. “You cannot fucking walk, that’s what! You cannot stand up or walk or run, and you’ve been in a fucking coma for months, and it’s all my fault, and I shouldn’t even fucking care, so why do I?! I hate you, I _hate_ you, Tavros Nitram, I always did and always will, and yet here I was running all the way from my house to the fucking hospital when I found out you’re awake! I— You— Explain me, Nitram, why would you even sacrifice yourself for someone as horrible as me?! You could’ve died, I could’ve— We—“  
“You’re not horrible, Vriska,” Tavros objects, but he knows that’s a lie. Serket knows he knows it’s a lie, too.  
“I _am_! I kill animals for fun, I blinded Terezi for fun, I almost killed Aradia _for fun_! And you know it! I am _the worst_ , I am— I don’t deserve, I…”

Tavros can finally speak, since her voice fades away into tears. 

“Maybe you’re correct and you _are_ horrible,” he whispers. “I cannot judge, really. But one thing you’re wrong at — you _do_ deserve. You are my friend, Vriska. You might be dangerous to be around, and slightly violent, and manipulative, and so on and so for… You’re still my friend. And I know you think rather low of me, but I did’t know that — low enough — to think that I wouldn’t do that for my friend or that I don’t consider you as a friend or, or, you know, or…”

Tavros doesn’t know what to say, and Vriska shakes, shivers, Vriska sobs and doesn’t try to speak. Nitram hugs her, although it is hard when he cannot even sit properly, he hugs her and whispers something meaningless and Serket’s breathing is ragged and her hair is a mess and she listens to his voice, and believes in his stupid cliché phrases about “Everything is okay, Vriska”. She hugs him back and then, when he finally stops muttering, replies in a muffled voice:

“Thank you.”

And she kisses him. And Tavros is confused, Tavros is surprised, Tavros does’t understand what is he feeling, and before he could get a grasp on reality, she leans away. 

“You’re welcome,” he replies with a weak smile, because he feels like saying something. And Vriska smiles back, happier than he has ever seen her, and there are still tears in her eyes, and she looks _beautiful_.

And Tavros 

_feels_

_**happy.** _

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked it ^-^


End file.
